Gabriella Walsh took advantage of California's option-to-die law to end her life. This is her story.
On July 16, Gabriella Walsh carried out a decision months in the making; a process involving her loved ones and medical providers. She drank a fatal dose of medication prescribed under California’s so-called death-with-dignity law, which allows some terminally ill patients to request drugs to end their lives.
Today, we tell the story of Walsh, and hear her talk about why she decided to end her life on her own terms. Read the full transcript here.
Host: Gustavo Arellano
Guests: L.A. Times reporter Marisa Gerber, and L.A. Times photographer Dania Maxwell
More reading:
One last trip: Gabriella Walsh’s decision to die — and celebrate life — on her own terms
Death-with-dignity movement springs back to life in California
California lawmakers vote to speed up state process for terminally ill to end their lives
AMBI: AMBI OF HOSPITAL
Doctor: Okay, Gabriel, you know, I have to tell you, so you don't have to drink this. You have a right not to. You're aware that's gonna end your life. Uh, once you do drink it, there's nothing we can do.
Gustavo: On July 16th, Gabriel Walsh carried out a decision months in the making for her a process involving her loved ones and medical providers.
Doctor: Okay. Do you have the lidocaine too, Jack,? Lidocaine is ready right there. So once you start drinking… after you're done, just relax, lay down.
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Gustavo: She drank down a fatal dose of medication prescribed under California's so-called death with dignity law. It allows some terminally ill patients to request drugs… to end their lives.
GABRIEL: I'm glad that I learned of my illness early. Aware enough, and that there is a law and I was able to do all the steps so that I can take care of it. And that brings in peace.
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Gustavo: I’m Gustavo Arellano. You're listening to the times, daily news from the LA times. It's Monday, August 1st, 2022.
Today, the life and death of Gabriela Walsh.
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Gustavo: California is just one of 10 states, along with DC, that has a law that allows medical aid and dying. In California. Some of the main requirements are residents have to be at least 18 years old and have an illness where life expectancy is six months or less.
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Gustavo: Prescribing medication that can hasten someone's death has long been controversial, even illegal.
It's often framed by opponents as assisted suicide and has been challenged in court for reasons like // violating a doctor's religious belief.
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Gustavo: // It's all very complicated, especially for someone living with a terminal illness. That's why LA times photojournalist Dania Maxwell and features reporter Marisa Gerber spent time with Gabriella as she decided how she wanted to deal with this most personal of choices. Dania Marisa, welcome to the times.
Marisa: Thanks Gustavo.
Dania: Thanks Gustavo. Nice to be here.
Gustavo: What made the two of you want to pursue this story?
Dania: I can answer that this is Danya. I. I have had some close experiences with family and friends and people I photograph die. And in some of those cases, people // were given terminal diagnosis for cancer. And all of those people chose // to go through life-extending treatments with chemo. And I think those treatments can be very aggressive on your body. And for lack of a more sensitive word, it's wild to see how cancer can rob your life. And I think it's very important for us to know about the options on the table for us. If we are faced with the same set of cards as Gabriela was.
Gustavo: California’s death with dignity law has been in effect since 2016, but it went through some big changes earlier this year that made the process easier for people like Gabriela…
Dania: There was a bunch of red tape that was eliminated in January. If someone was electing to have medical aid in dying. The biggest change was that you only had to wait 48 hours. Beforehand, you used to have to wait two weeks to get // the medicines that you needed. Uh,
Marisa: //Another change was that // hospice or um nursing facilities, convalescent homes in California now have to post saying that this is an option for people. So // those are two of the big changes to the updated law, which took effect in January.
Gustavo: // Marisa, how did you and Dania build that trust? I mean, you're asking someone who you had never met before. Let us document the last months of your life and let us be there when you finally pass away.
Marisa: Yeah, a lot of the credit honestly goes to Dania who initially met Gabriela through a death doula who Dania had reached out to. And Dania had an initial conversation with Gabriela. // And I think she just sensed Dania’s openness. And then we both spent some time with her. // She did initially ask us both to share some of our previous work that she wanted to look at. // But Gabriela was honestly just a very exceptionally open and curious person. She was curious about the process and she also felt // that it was deeply important that //, she felt that she had something to give. // That she could share her story and that, that could hopefully show others that // death and the end doesn't have to be so scary.
Gustavo: So Dania, who was Gabriel?
Dania: Gabriela was a vibrant woman.
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Dania: Her personality was quite attractive. She's had // chances to live all over the world. She was born in Chile and moved to the states when she was quite young. // In junior high, she attended school here in California and she attracts all sorts of friends and is comfortable with all sorts of people.
Tape: It was an adventure to move here. I learned to make friends quickly. I learned to adjust. If I was to describe myself as with one word, I would say I accommodate to any situation…
Marisa: Gabriela told us stories about her very early experiences with death. // When she was two years old, she stumbled upon her grandfather slumped in the hallway of her family home in Kiyota, Chili. And // about seven years later, she remembers her father asking her to let // their hug linger because he thought it may be their last and the next day, uh, or shortly after he died of a stroke and as was customary, then his body was brought home from the hospital and it was in the living room. He had a sheet over him and Gabriela remembers going up next to her father and resting her hand on his shoulder. And just sitting // with him // for what felt like an hour. And she told us that she in that moment had no fear; that she had a very neutral feeling.
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Marisa retrack: So…for Gabriela, those early up-close experiences with death meant that she had a much closer relationship with death than most people. And that close relationship continued through the years.
GABRIEL: Have you ever been in a convalesce at home? It's sad. And I worked in one of those once a week, every week for four years. And I was like, there is no way or when my mom got ill, you know, my mom lived till 96 and then. Having to rush her in and you know, and then I think by around of her age, I would say by the time she turned 80, she was like, why am I still here?
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Dania: Talking to her is so fascinating, cuz she's truly lived. The first conversation that I had with Gabriela. She was telling me about all the different addresses she had lived in her life and it ended up being 47 places that she lived. But in that first conversation, she said that she had slept with more men.
Gustavo: Ha. //
Dania: So that was some indication for her to tell us that // she was happy about her life. // She felt like she had lived.
Gustavo: Marisa, you wrote that she had a tattoo of the word “wanderlust'' on her left wrist.
Marisa: // Yeah // she got it // in her late fifties. It's in cursive on her left wrist. It says wanderlust. And then it's three little birds, two birds on top that represent her parents and then a little bird on the bottom for her. // Sometimes you just meet people and // they are truly themselves. And she's one of those people and // always exploring and wandering and wanting to meet new people And also the // birds image as well was really important.
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Marisa: She had initially after her diagnosis, thought about getting a small para and naming him freedom and she thought he // might have him released // on the day of her death.
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Marisa: She ultimately decided not to cuz she just felt that it might be too much responsibility, but that imagery of soaring and being free really resonated with her.
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Gustavo: When was she diagnosed with a terminal illness?
Marisa: She was diagnosed on December 9th. She was planning to take a trip to Spain on December 27th. And she decided to go in for a physical first… .
GABRIEL: The mammogram. No the pap. Oh F*&$… What are they called? The Mammogram.
Marisa: And then the nurse quickly came back with a radiology oncologist who sat down with her and told her that not only did she have cancer, but that it was very aggressive and had already spread from her right breast into her lymph nodes.
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Marisa: So yeah, December 9th was the day she… she found out.
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Gustavo: Coming up after the break, we meet Gabriel’s medical team and learn what it means to prepare for death.
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Gustavo: Dania, in the story you and Marisa did, we got to meet a lot of the people who helped Gabriela prepare for her death.
Dania: Right….Gabriela, early into her diagnosis, hired someone // named Jill shock to help her through this process. Jill shock is a death doula, and Jack Barcagian who was Gabriela's head of hospice nurse., and he also worked with Jill very closely to // coordinate the right steps to take to die through medical aid.
JACK AND JILL: Uh, we have the meds. If you wanted to look at them, did you look at them? Mm-hmm okay. Okay. Everything look okay? /// Yeah. Did he say which one goes first? He didn’t but we'll double check, but I was talking to Gabriela…I don't think she would take the sedating one first, but we’ll double check with the doctor, OK?
Dania: They // were in close connection to a doctor who was prescribing the medications. And Jill met with Gabriela a few times over the course of their relationship to discuss, // how everything would go, what date she would choose, what she needed to eat the night before. // And both Jack and Jill were always very // much about Gabriela being in the driver's seat.
JACK AND JILL: I mean, if I need to take one an hour before, I don't know, starting at noon, say, okay, Yeah, whatever you want. Then I would either have just a very light breakfast, like fruit or something that day, or no breakfast at all, and a heavy meal the night before…..Ok. Ok.
Dania: They wanted to make sure she knew that she could pull out at any time. She didn't have to stay here if she didn't want to. She was in complete authority // of this decision.
Gustavo: Marisa, was there anyone in Gabriela's life who wasn't happy about her decision?
Marisa: Yeah, definitely. A… a lot of the people closest to her /// were very supportive, but she mentioned that she… in her final months, you know, she was quite open about her decision and // she said she got a lot of pushback in particular from, um, other cancer patients who felt, you know, just really wanted her to fight. She said she got a call at one point from her general practitioner telling her. Um, you're a fighter, you have to fight. Um, and she said she even sometimes would, you know, strike up conversations with friends of friends, um, and mention the decision and, and people // she said were not shy often in telling her that they thought this was wrong and that she needed to fight. Um, but she was, she was very resolute.
GABRIEL: I feel like the ones, the people that are… more affected are… are people that live with a lot of fear. Even if they're religious, religious, religious, they have so much fear that they hang on to every little piece of life. Without being selfish, we should also realize we're… as much as they'll be sad and we don't do it because they'll be sad.They being our family or friends, // it's your life.
Marisa:”My body, my death,” is a quote she often said. And she would remind them that this was, um, Something that she was legally allowed to do. And she felt that it was // her decision to make.
Gustavo: And while this was all happening for Gabriel, there was a federal lawsuit against the California law that could have kept her from getting the medications. What ended up happening there?
Marisa: Yeah. So in may, // Jill Shock, the death doula who stays very up on // all the issues, of course, // realized that there was a federal lawsuit filed by a group of Christian doctors in California, // trying to invalidate key parts of the law. She immediately informed Gabriela, // , assured her, // we're gonna try to take care of this as best as we can. Jill, along with Jack. // basically scrambled and were able to secure her prescription in time. So Gabriela actually had that with her in her possession for a few months before she died. // Ultimately, // the court hearing the day that they worried could potentially put a pause on everything, ended up getting postponed. Um. But it was a source of anxiety for Gabriela // in those days after she learned of the lawsuit.
Gustavo: Dania, it seems that the biggest advice from Gabriella's medical team was for her to just continue to find joy in her final months.
Dania: Yeah, // Her friends in particular really were present for her and showed up. They would take her to the beach // at her speed. // The death doula would. Advise that she spent some time, // with whatever it is that made her feel whole and happy. // I think that everyone around Gabriela just wanted her to feel, /// her decision to choose quality of life // was in fact // something that she got.
Gustavo: Was there any moments that you remember of her,// living life to the fullest, even during that time?
Dania: I photographed Gabriela one afternoon, where a few of her friends had shown up, uh, for a gathering at another friend's house. And there were friends that showed up who Gabriela knew from junior high, from high school, from all different walks of life. And several of the friends told me on the side that Gabriela was the glue to all of these different strands of people.
Gustavo: Wow.
Dania: Everyone was enjoying themself and a friend brought out a little karaoke microphone. And at first Gabriela was not interested in singing and telling people that she didn't like that music brought her to a different place of life, where things were a little bit, um, happier…
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Dania: But she ended up singing with her friends and smiling and dancing. And I think that day in particular was something that shines for her.
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Gustavo: More after the break.
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Gustavo: Marisa, we've been talking about the choice that Gabriella made to end her life. And what's interesting, espeically to me in your story, is that to state data you cited in your story showed that most patients who ask to receive medications to end their life don't take them.
Marisa: Yeah, that's a really interesting part of the law is that data has to be recorded on // the ages, the gender, a lot of information, // not identifying, but a lot of generic information on the people that pursue this. /// And one part of the data that I found really interesting was that, um, fully about a third of the people that have requested and received these prescriptions for drugs since the law passed have ultimately not taken them. // So whether that means that they just changed their mind or perhaps they ended up dying of their underlying illness more quickly than they thought, but something that the death doula told us that really stuck out was that. For many patients just knowing that they have the medications is in of itself, palliative, just a reminder of comfort and some semblance of control in the end /// can also be a gift to people, even if they don't ultimately die from ingesting the medications.
Gustavo: But for those that do take the medication. Your story also pointed out his remarkable moment right before patients take the medication that Gabriela's death doula described….
JACK AND JILL: You always see this look on people's face. Like, here we go. And then, you know, they just like go for it. And then after they drink it // they're kind of like, oh, I did it. It's happening. It's happening. You know, there's kind of like the ultimate onset of the realization that I'm dying now, I'm dying now..
Gustavo: What about Gabriela's immediate family? How did they spend their last moments with her?
Marisa: So that day,//, her daughter was there and spent some alone time in the room with her mom. // And then after that, Gabriel's granddaughter and niece spent some time with her just cuddled next to her in bed,// talking and laughing and just spending // some final moments with her.
Gustavo: For the both of you, what was it like witnessing that moment with Gabriel?
Dania: This is Dania. // Witnessing that moment with Gabriela was // quite confirming for me in knowing that Gabriela was truly ready to make this choice. She really wanted to make this choice. And //, I didn't feel much hesitation from Gabriela when she took the medication. She was very ready.
Gustavo: Marisa?
Marisa: Yeah. I agree with Dania.The…the mage that will that will stay with me is just //, her confidently drinking down the medications and three confident pulls. // And that moment later, // she just kinda looked up at the ceiling and had a soft smile on her face. And //, in all of our interactions with her through the months she had been so resolute. And that was true down until that moment.
Gustavo: We're talking to both of you about about a week after Gabriella's death. As journalists with her on this journey. How are each of you doing after this experience? Uh…let's start with Marisa.
Marisa: I'm doing okay. // It was // a heavy story to work on, but a really fulfilling story to work on. // The type of story as a journalist that you don't get to work on very often and feel really lucky // to experience. Gabriela herself was just a really // incredible, interesting, warm, welcoming person. // And she welcomed us in so fully, // and was so generous. So to feel like I, we got to know her quite well in that short amount of time and then to be there on her last day. /// Yeah…. I'm okay. I think it's something that //, will stay with me for a long time. //, But Gabriela said in this whole process, her goal was to make people less afraid of death.
Gabriela: I feel it's almost like something that should be taught from when we are children. We are born to die and nobody knows when, but we are all gonna end up there. and we live clueless of it, or we put it way in the back of our mind. But we could die at any time, any place, any day.
Marisa: Certainly for me, it's already….already made me feel a little bit less afraid, // which I didn't know if I would feel that at the end. So…yeah.
Gustavo: Dania, how are you doing?
Dania: I feel a little different this week. I've been very pensive and a little bit more inward. But something that I really felt strongly from Gabriela was how much she wanted all those around her to keep living and how happy she was when she heard about her friends or me or Marisa having something that made us feel fulfilled. Another thing that the death doula said that really stuck out to me was that…. I've witnessed some birth, both with my own children and also photographing them. And, in birth, you have this moment of euphoria right after, and in death, you don't have that euphoria that comes out, but it's more,, like closure and completeness. So I've been really trying to hold onto that when I think about Gabriela's life and that now it's complete, and now she's able to close this, this thing that she did, that she made for, uh, 64 years.
Gustavo: Finally, I wanna end on the life of Gabriel Walsh. How did she spend her final 24 hours? What did she do?
Dania: Gabriela had gotten in the habit of…of listening to audiobooks at night to help her relax right before bed. And one of the books she listened to was “Where the Crawdads Sing.” And when she found out that that movie was coming out the Friday before her death, she made a plan to go with her friends. And she and three of her closest friends went to go see the movie. // and I really feel like it brought her a lot of joy. // I have photographs of her smiling when the credits were rolling. There was a…a big smile cast across her face.
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Dania: There was also some sadness because I think that was one of the last things that she had planned, if not the last thing she had planned to do with her life. So yeah, it was really, really special and intense to be there, to watch that.
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Gustavo: Marisa Gerber, Dania Maxwell. Thank you so much for this conversation.
Dania: Thank you Gustavo.
Marisa: Thank you Gustavo.
Gustavo: You can experience more of Marisa and Dania's story at la times dot com, where you can find powerful pictures and video of Gabriella's life.
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Gustavo: Gustavo: And that’s it for this episode of THE TIMES, daily news from the LA Times.
Denise Guerra was the jefa on this episode and Mike Heflin mixed and mastered it.
Our show is produced by Shannon Lin, Denise Guerra, Kasia Brousalian, David Toledo and Ashlea Brown. Our editorial assistants are Madalyn Amato and Carlos De Loera. Our intern is Surya Hendry. Our engineers are Mario Diaz, Mark Nieto and Mike Heflin. Our editor is Kinsee Morlan. Our executive producers are Jazmin Aguilera, Shani Hilton and Heba Elorbany. And our theme music is by Andrew Eapen.
I'm Gustavo Arellano. We'll be back tomorrow with all the news and desmadre. Gracias.